On To Valhalla!
Posted: Sun Mar 15, 2015 5:08 pm
This thread is to honor/roast any and all of the players, coaches, owners etc. who have donned the Purple and given it their all (good or bad) for the glory and honor of the team.
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Like a wake, it is meant to serve as a means to sever and/or honor the cords of emotional entanglement with the past both near and far. Cannonize and/or vilify....fond farewells of rememberance and 'don't let the door hit yas' to the famed and infamous.
--
All in good fun and it comes with a bottomless forum sized bottle of Purple Drank..so, there's plenty for everyone.
As it is a thread for personal purging and reverance let us not mock our process with petty debate therein.
---
Without further ado, (cracks open bottle)..
To Odin and Vahalla!...and to that glorious day when the great horn blows as the Purple Horde raises the Lombardi...more commoningly known as. 'the end of the world' (takes large swig) SKOL!
---
(raises bottle) To Greg Jennings: A fine football player and finer human being. Your time in purple was too brief and uneventful. In spite of your lose lips, I appreciate the candor and class you carried with you as well as your willingness to publicly refer to Erin Rodgers as #12, thus furthering the disrespect between the two franchises. Well done.(takes swig)
--
I should think that the people of Minneapolis are better off having you as a full time resident.
You will most likely find another team and be a valuable asset for a few more years, or so is my wish for you.
It was proved that you were not the solution to Ponder's issues,... nor is he.
But when you again meet the Vikings on the grassy downs, may Odin, in his infinite wisdom, see fit for Harrison Smith to completely knock the snot out of you like a Mack trucking leveling a jackrabbit on a lonely desert road, leaving you there while ravens and coyotes pick at your remains until the end of days. Nothing personal. (takes swig)
---
To Jerome Simpson The 'High' Hurdler:
Your mastery of missed potential is nearly unparalled in terms of it's WTF?-ness.
A funy dude who I sincerely hope stays out of harms way or harm to others in the future, whatever you wind up doing for fun.
I see the possibility of you in a return to the Vikings as a member of the spirit squad. Hurdling cheerleaders and displaying your patented first down manuever on the sidelines of home games, serving cold beers and bongs to fans with fieldside seats...but it's probably just the purple drank clouding my judgement. SKOL!
---
(raises bottle)
To Red McCombs: The man who put the F U in frugal. More than anything you did or did not do, I am grateful for how you taught me to appreciate having owners willing to spend resources to make this franchise worthy of rooting for.
For your lesson to be learned in accordance with my personal grievance toward your inherent thrifty-ness, I beseech that Odin confines you to a Kingman, AZ street corner in perpetual August heat, dressed as Little Bo-Peep with nothing to eat but government cheese and vienna sausages, pressed with the task of selling a cheap Casio wristwatch for $1000 to passersby, until successful or the Vikings win the superbowl. Only then shall ye be released.(swig)
---
To Charlie Johnson: The Rodney Dangerfield of O-linemen. I will always remember you as the large shape on the left side of the line anchoring the fleet ship of the offense, much the same way an actual anchor works to keep a boat from moving.
In spite of being vilified ad infintum by fans across the board, you mananged to start at LT and G for several years and no one was killed. For that I salute you and say farewell. (drink)
---
To Jasper Brinkley: Is that Adrian Peterson coming at you with the ball through the right side of the line? No, it's Jarious Wright catching a pass right behind you for a 20 yac gain. hahahha.
Serously, Jasper is a cool name..brah.
SKOL!
----
To Chrisian Ponder: My two fondest memories of him were: his first pass against GB on the double move and pump fake to Jenkins. I was like, 'yes! Here is our guy'... The other was when he tried to break the stout shoulder of Kyle Vanden Bosch with his hip in Detroit.
--
I will miss you and Samantha and your matching sweaters. A total class act and team guy.....but on to Oakland! (raises bottle) where may it be revealed that Bill Musgrave is actually your father and also a master of choreography. This revelation inspires you both to leave football for a long successeful career in tapdancing, where every tap of your happy feet is in accordance with the time ticking off the clock to the Vikings superbowl triumph at the end of the world, thus earning you your redemption and entry into Valhalla.
(swig)
---
Like a wake, it is meant to serve as a means to sever and/or honor the cords of emotional entanglement with the past both near and far. Cannonize and/or vilify....fond farewells of rememberance and 'don't let the door hit yas' to the famed and infamous.
--
All in good fun and it comes with a bottomless forum sized bottle of Purple Drank..so, there's plenty for everyone.
As it is a thread for personal purging and reverance let us not mock our process with petty debate therein.
---
Without further ado, (cracks open bottle)..
To Odin and Vahalla!...and to that glorious day when the great horn blows as the Purple Horde raises the Lombardi...more commoningly known as. 'the end of the world' (takes large swig) SKOL!
---
(raises bottle) To Greg Jennings: A fine football player and finer human being. Your time in purple was too brief and uneventful. In spite of your lose lips, I appreciate the candor and class you carried with you as well as your willingness to publicly refer to Erin Rodgers as #12, thus furthering the disrespect between the two franchises. Well done.(takes swig)
--
I should think that the people of Minneapolis are better off having you as a full time resident.
You will most likely find another team and be a valuable asset for a few more years, or so is my wish for you.
It was proved that you were not the solution to Ponder's issues,... nor is he.
But when you again meet the Vikings on the grassy downs, may Odin, in his infinite wisdom, see fit for Harrison Smith to completely knock the snot out of you like a Mack trucking leveling a jackrabbit on a lonely desert road, leaving you there while ravens and coyotes pick at your remains until the end of days. Nothing personal. (takes swig)
---
To Jerome Simpson The 'High' Hurdler:
Your mastery of missed potential is nearly unparalled in terms of it's WTF?-ness.
A funy dude who I sincerely hope stays out of harms way or harm to others in the future, whatever you wind up doing for fun.
I see the possibility of you in a return to the Vikings as a member of the spirit squad. Hurdling cheerleaders and displaying your patented first down manuever on the sidelines of home games, serving cold beers and bongs to fans with fieldside seats...but it's probably just the purple drank clouding my judgement. SKOL!
---
(raises bottle)
To Red McCombs: The man who put the F U in frugal. More than anything you did or did not do, I am grateful for how you taught me to appreciate having owners willing to spend resources to make this franchise worthy of rooting for.
For your lesson to be learned in accordance with my personal grievance toward your inherent thrifty-ness, I beseech that Odin confines you to a Kingman, AZ street corner in perpetual August heat, dressed as Little Bo-Peep with nothing to eat but government cheese and vienna sausages, pressed with the task of selling a cheap Casio wristwatch for $1000 to passersby, until successful or the Vikings win the superbowl. Only then shall ye be released.(swig)
---
To Charlie Johnson: The Rodney Dangerfield of O-linemen. I will always remember you as the large shape on the left side of the line anchoring the fleet ship of the offense, much the same way an actual anchor works to keep a boat from moving.
In spite of being vilified ad infintum by fans across the board, you mananged to start at LT and G for several years and no one was killed. For that I salute you and say farewell. (drink)
---
To Jasper Brinkley: Is that Adrian Peterson coming at you with the ball through the right side of the line? No, it's Jarious Wright catching a pass right behind you for a 20 yac gain. hahahha.
Serously, Jasper is a cool name..brah.
SKOL!
----
To Chrisian Ponder: My two fondest memories of him were: his first pass against GB on the double move and pump fake to Jenkins. I was like, 'yes! Here is our guy'... The other was when he tried to break the stout shoulder of Kyle Vanden Bosch with his hip in Detroit.
--
I will miss you and Samantha and your matching sweaters. A total class act and team guy.....but on to Oakland! (raises bottle) where may it be revealed that Bill Musgrave is actually your father and also a master of choreography. This revelation inspires you both to leave football for a long successeful career in tapdancing, where every tap of your happy feet is in accordance with the time ticking off the clock to the Vikings superbowl triumph at the end of the world, thus earning you your redemption and entry into Valhalla.
(swig)
